Vignette #31 “Breathe”

Breathe.

It is one thing to say it. Another to do it.

Breathe.

But the world is spinning before my eyes. My brain can’t keep up with the thoughts running through my mind. Over and over and over. And over. My head is stuck in a loop.

Breathe.

But there are nails digging into my back. My shoulders are carrying the weight of the world. My mind hurts so much I think it’s going to explode.

Just breathe.

Don’t you know there are bills to pay? Don’t you know I haven’t touched another person in over two months? Can’t you see the people being attacked in the street? Everything is so wrong, how can things ever get better? HOW CAN YOU TELL ME TO JUST BREATHE?

But the oxygen is escaping my chest. I feel woozy. There’s a fist clutched around my lungs. If I don’t take a breath now, my body may give way. So breathe. I grimace.

My first attempt is a shutter. The kind you get when the winter wind blows right through you. I feel the emptiness rattle around inside and my shoulders twitch up to my ears. It is more like a gasp and less of an inhalation. Keep breathing.

The second is easier. It’s still not perfect with the air catching in all the other places except where it needs to go, but it softens the pain in my forehead. At least for a second.

Do it again.

I do it again.

Again.

I do it over and over and over. And over.

Do you feel better?

No. Yes. I don’t know. A little.

Keep breathing.

I can’t just stay here forever.

If you want to live, you keep breathing.

But what about money? What about the loneliness? What about the world?

You can’t do anything for anyone without first taking a breath for yourself.

I keep breathing. My shoulders sag. My vision sharpens. The nails in my back fall out one by one by one. The fist clenched around my lungs loosens, slowly… slowly… slowly….

Are you breathing?

Yes.

How do you feel?

…Better…

Good.
Now, go do what you have to do and don’t forget

Photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash

©2020 Jai Lynn

This post Vignette #31 “Breathe” appeared first on Jai Lynn.

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7 thoughts on “Vignette #31 “Breathe”

  1. You are such an incredible, beautiful writer!

    “If you want to live, you keep breathing.” love. love. love.

    This reminds me of a quote I read in “The Road Less Traveled” by Scott Peck:

    “A full life will be full of pain. But the only alternative is not to live fully or not to live at all.” – what he calls “a living death”

    Your vignette is such a beautiful reminder to breathe through the dark times and live through them because it doesn’t get easier, in fact WE become stronger. ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Jenni, your comment just made my whole day!! Thank you so much for reading and your kind words ❤ ❤ ❤ and that is a perfect quote and exactly the vibe I was going for. YES, through all this bad (and there will always be bad) we will grow and become stronger, better people!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Of course! I look forward to all you will write! ♡

        There will always be tragedy and adversity in this life-it’s part of the whole package, but if we allow it, those moments are the best opportunities for growth. 🙂 Sending you all the good vibes! xo ♡♡♡

        Liked by 1 person

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