Writing is Hard | WIP Update | March 2023 | Imperfect

Previous Post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | February 2023 | Cool

This post is late. Usually I am very on top of my updates, and to be honest, I almost didn’t come back to my computer to write this post. I thought why even try, you missed the opportunity. It’s already well into April (it’s the second as I am writing this paragraph if I am being real) but my brain had already resigned itself to the fact that I failed. I missed the opportunity to get my post in for the month. I am a terrible human being.

That is only a snippet of what perfectionism feels like.

If it’s not done properly why even do it at all. I am a failure.

For many years I have struggled with this mentality. It’s crippling, especially as of this March, where I barely had the energy to do much of anything. I thought at first it’s okay I just need to rest. It’s okay I’ll just do the bare minimum and the rest will come back later. This month is already written off as a joke, we will do better next time. That was midway through March.

But I didn’t do better. I fell again and then again. I spiraled to the point all I could do was stuff my face with whatever was in reach and then pace my house in anxiety of what I had gotten done and hadn’t gotten done that day. I hated myself, I lived in fear day after day of what new anxiety would come to punch me in the face. I lost time to useless thoughts that would chase me down again and again in the racetrack of my mind. Anxiety is a race that I can never win. Never. The thoughts always catch me. The race never ends. The only way to get out is to not get on the track at all.

The fact that you are reading this is a testament to me trying to change. I’m fighting back against the rough mental health month I have had. I am trying to be nice to myself. I’m trying to remember that bad times are just that, bad times and they are temporary. I am trying to be grateful for all the wonderful things in my life I do have. And I have many and many a blessing.

No, my life is not perfect. And that’s okay, that’s okay. I’m trying to rise above my anxiety and get better. In a healthy way. I am trying to pick myself up. That’s why this rambling post exists.

It’s not perfect. That’s okay. This is me trying again.

And that is what matters when for the past few weeks all I wanted to do was give up.

I did do a bit of writing at the beginning of this month and that is not for naught. I am still editing. I am still trying. I just need to stop getting in the way of myself and that is the personal journey I am on right now.

Nothing is perfect.

Nothing is perfect.

Nothing is perfect.

Until we meet again,

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(Currently still revising the first draft of TLS…..)

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