Name's Jai Lynn, Jai like blue jay and Lynn which rhymes with sin. Speaking of sins, life is too short to not do what you're passionate about. So, I'm going to write. Welcome to my domain of poetry, short fiction, and (if you look for it) a little magic too.
So I changed my calendar because it is now June and there was a picture of a fish. That made me happy. Nothing else today has made me happy. That is why I needed to preface this post with THAT. The last time I did one of these is not even worth mentioning because it was so long ago. Let’s just get into it.
I am rereading my first draft and having a hell of a time with all the problems I am finding.
(*sigh*)
There is a lot of editing to do.
But let us talk about the bright side lest I depress us all. There are some good things that I am happy with. yay. I wrote a first draft in the first place! Also yay. Am I struggling? Yes. Am I pushing myself anyway? Yes. Because there is something bright waiting on the other side of this draft.
I’ll just keep telling myself all this as I slog along. It’s all part of the journey.
I haven’t posted since November 2021. Ever since I started there had never been a moment when I didn’t post at least once a month. That is until November 2021. Life is a weird and funny thing. I started this blog because I wanted to join a community, I wanted to share my work with others, and I wanted to record (in a way) my journey to hopefully one day becoming a published writer. I am pleased to announce that that is still the goal.
Let’s just call that the “Places I Am Going” bit of this post. One day I still hope to have a published book under my belt that one day you all (or anyone really) can just walk into Barnes and Noble and see there just sitting on a shelf. Yeah… that would be pretty cool.
Right now, I am going through a major life change. Which is also cool! And scary! And fun! And weird. But all in a good way! That is “Where I Am” lol.
I don’t know how much I will be posting on here or when or what. But I am going to try to write something at least once a month. It might not be scheduled poetry or snapshots like I used to do but I will be writing something. Something.
How enticing, am I right? 😉
All my sarcasm aside, I am just happy to be here typing away again at my computer. Regardless of who decides to read my dribble, if anyone even wants to anymore. Now we are heading into the “Places I Have Been Bit” and I totallyyyyyy get it if that’s not your cup of tea. The important bits about my blog I put first, so feel free to jump ship now if need be.
I won’t judge you.
After the past seven months I’ve had, trust me, I won’t. But you can feel free to judge me if you want. At this point I don’t really care. And I don’t mean that crassly. I just mean that I realized a lot of things are more important than me worrying about what others think. What’s important is what I think of myself, and that I listen to myself and trust myself. And I am. I really am.
At the end of 2021, my life started to control itself. Let me explain. I was no longer the driver of my destiny. I was letting destiny, drive me. Work got hectic, my healthy habits I had taken years to build started to chip away and then, I stopped doing the things I love most.
I had been working at the same place for the past three years. When I started I was an anxious, lost and unconfident little girl who was a rock stuck at the bottom of the ocean. Gradually, the more time passed I came to love my job and the people I worked with. I wrote at home in my off hours working on my blog, writing the first draft of my story The Lowell Saga, and reading book upon book upon book. I wasn’t nervous anymore I loved everything I was doing. I found myself and my confidence grew. Then as time wore on things started to change. The pandemic happened, attitudes at work shifted, and suddenly I couldn’t focus on anything else besides waking up and going to work and coming home. I stopped hanging out with my friends. I started binge eating on the weekends that eventually slipped into the weekdays. I stopped playing video games. I stopped reading.
I stopped writing.
At the end of March 2022 I caught COVID again, for the second time. I was home sick from work for two weeks. Those two weeks of solid rest opened my eyes. I hadn’t had a week off in over three years. It took me getting sick to realize that I had lost control of my life. I wasn’t happy at my job anymore, I gained weight, I wasn’t seeing my friends except for rare occasions, and I didn’t have any time to enjoy my life’s passions.
So, in May I left my job. Anxious and lost again, but having gained the confidence that everything will be okay. I learned all I could and now it’s time to move on.
I am not a trapped rock anymore, more like a little blue fish drifting through the deep. And that is me.
ALL me. The place and person I need to be right now.
Currently listening: “Bless the Broken Road“- Rascal Flatts Currently watching:You S3 Currently playing: Animal Crossing: New Horizons Currently reading:The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow
I can’t imagine a world without Octobers. It is one of my favorite times of year. There is just something about the leaves turning gold and the wind whispering in your ear and thrill of Halloween around the corner that makes it feel so magical to me. Like there is something waiting to be found just where we can’t see in October. I live for that.
I also live for the fact that I got to go Salem, Massachusetts this month for a weekend. Oh, what a time to be alive.
October Goals:
Work on The Lowell Saga. Fail.
Maintain my healthy habits. Fail.
Have fun. WIN
November (the month where I should be writing) Goals:
Get my priorities straight, again. I kind of fell of the wagon in a lot of regards to my life’s goals this month. I got to do better. But… I did have a lot of fun in October 😉
What I Read:
The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. I don’t know how many times I have reread this book… but it has been many. Something about the autumn always has me craving the midnight diners, the Ice Garden, and the love story interwoven all throughout. This book is one of my favorites of all time. Like The Raven Boys. I know I bring up those favorites a lot in this section but that is only because I have a constant need to keep rereading them, haha! That is proof of how much I love them. And The Night Circus is something I love dearly.
Pumpkinheads by Rainbow Rowell and Faith Erin Hicks. This. Was. Adorable. The perfect fall read. I breezed through it because it’s a graphic novel and I can’t believe how wonderful it was. A nice slice of life is something we all need in our lives from time to time and this hit the perfect autumnal spot.
The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake. Wow. What a BOOK. Read it. That’s it. Just READ IT.
The Crucible by Arthur Miller. Soooo, I might have mentioned that I went to Salem this month and of course I had to reread The Crucible. I read it in school years ago and though I did not appreciate it then I love it so much more now. Especially in context with the real life historical event that took place in 1692. It’s scary how easily it happened and it frightens me how easily it could happen again.
What I’ll Be Writing:
Poetry- posted every Wednesday
Writing Is Hard | WIP Writing Update- posted in the middle of the month
Snapshot! Monthly Recap- posted the last day of every month
Announcements- posted as needed
If you want more information about any of the above, you can check out the About page on my site or just click here.
November. Oh, November. I honestly… have no idea what is going to happen this month. But, life is weird like that isn’t it? We can plan and plan and plan…. then the rains pour down (or the sun comes out!). Hope for the best, plan for the worst.
Currently listening: “Astronaut in the Ocean” – Masked Wolf Currently watching:Anne With an E S1 (rewatch) Currently playing: Final Fantasy VII Remake Currently reading:The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
September wasn’t a real month. TBH in my head it is still August. I still feel summer everywhere even as I am staring down the fallen leaves in my front yard. Not much happened but at the same time I was constantly busy. Is there a word for this feeling? How do I describe it better…?
Imagine a train station. There are so many people around, all with their own agendas and thoughts, getting on the train and others getting off. Then there is you, standing stock still in the middle of the platform. You have your own agenda too. But, your agenda was to take off on a plane… and you are at a train station. Being that there are no planes around and no other way to leave the train station but on a train… you are stuck.
That was what September felt like to me.
September Goals:
Work on The Lowell Saga. Check.
Maintain my healthy habits. Check.
Be more open to possibilities. After this month I think I can handle almost anything. Check.
October (The month where I may reveal I have supernatural abilities) Goals:
Work on The Lowell Saga. Always.
Maintain my healthy habits. My life is a perfect graveyard of trying to be better and consistently falling short.
Have fun. A major highlight this month is a mini trip to Salem, MA which I am ECSTATIC about. Perfect timing. I need to have some fun, badly.
What I Read:
Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig. August was a bit dark that was why I decided to pick up this book, and it was a good decision. The title says it all. Honestly. At some point in our lives we all might need this as a pick me up. I swear by Matt Haig, ever since I read The Midnight Library, and now I want to read all his books.
Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. This hit the right spot at the right time in my life. It’s a rare occurrence but when it does happen I know it does for a reason. If I had the resources and time I would totally follow in Elizabeth Gilbert’s footsteps. I want to travel and find myself for a year. Where can I sign up? All kidding aside though her struggle in this book is something we all as humans struggle with. Finding ourselves and our own version of happiness, a way to survive. After these past few years I think we could all use a way to survive, or a means to put things in perspective and find the will to go on with this crazy thing we call life.
Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. This book was a joy to read. Right after I watched the Netflix show I bought all the books and nothing has made me feel calmer or more steady.Anne of Green Gables is so grounding and simple in the most pleasant way. That was a weird way to describe it. What I mean is that it helps to remind you that life is more about the simple things. The air on your cheek, the flowers outside your window and your loved ones all around you. Oh, and of course there is Gilbert Blythe too haha 😀
Blue Lily, Lily Blue by Maggie Stiefvater. The Raven Cycle is so cathartic and nostalgic at the same time. I wish I knew someone like Richard Campbell Gansey III. Maggie Stiefvater is a genius at nuance and atmospheric writing. Her characters are just so real. So real. I’m an articulate mess of emotions right now. All you need to know is that this series is on my all time favorites and that is all I am going to say. I read a lot of books but nowadays it’s rare to find one to even touch this list. All of us readers have that list. The list of favorites that just speaks to our soul. The ones that hit us at the right time in our life when we needed the story most and so will forever have a special place is our hearts. This series is one of the few on my list. Okay now I promise I’m done.
What I’ll Be Writing:
Poetry- posted every Wednesday
Writing Is Hard | WIP Writing Update- posted in the middle of the month
Snapshot! Monthly Recap- posted the last day of every month
Announcements- posted as needed
If you want more information about any of the above, you can check out the About page on my site or just click here.
My last writing update feels like it was so long ago, and it was. June seems like a dream from where I am standing now in September. In July and August I took some time away from my WIP, The Lowell Saga, because I had just finished the first draft. A major accomplishment that I had never done before. Never have I ever finished a book and now I can say that I have. Is it perfect? LOL HELL NO. But it’s done and that makes all the difference. Since I have the bones now I have spent September working on building up the flesh of the beast that is my book in revisionsssssss. Yay.
High school was not fun for me, like it wasn’t for many MANY others. College was better, but still not the best of times. I struggled a lot with my mental health through school and especially post college after entering the workforce. But through my education I continued to read and write fan fiction because it kept me sane and was a great space for my imagination. Looking back on my past now, as a 26 year old sitting at the kitchen table at 6:43PM on a Tuesday night, has me wondering something… discomfiting.
Am I losing my imagination?
When I was younger I needed it to survive. Right now though I’m realizing that back then wasn’t surviving. Despite how much I loathed school, I had time to be myself even as I was figuring myself out. Now as adult, more attuned to who I am as a person and finding myself and all, I barely have time to breathe. Adult-ing is hard. Very hard. There is only so much time in a day and trying to squeeze in my passion is hard when there are other things pressing down. Bills, health insurance, direction, pandemic, stress, work, sugar, high cholesterol, so yeah you know…. life.
I almost wonder if I lost some of my imagination along the way. When I was younger it seemed so easy to think up stories and get lost in other worlds. Nowadays I am finding it harder and harder to focus. My full time job keeps me busy, and working late hours. I don’t have as much time to day dream as I used to.
I miss that. I miss day dreaming. That was where I got my best ideas for my stories. I know all you writers out there with day jobs can relate. With this writing update, I suppose I am more or less giving a pep talk to myself and any of you readers out there who need to hear this too.
Our imaginations aren’t going anywhere. They are within us, always. Sometimes they fall just a little bit farther down the rabbit hole. All that means is we have to dig a little deeper. I feel it as I am typing this line at 6:50 PM sitting at my kitchen table. I thought writing this update would be hard. And it started out that way but now I’m finding it hard to stop typing. It has been a long time since my thoughts just bled over the keys so easily. Wow.
Keep going all you writers out there. And I will too. Even when it’s tough , especially when it’s tough, because fighting that fight is the only way to get your passion back. Wow.
And after you write you’ll feel better. Writers always do.
I definitely do, and so does my imagination. Sorry if this was a weird post overall but …. just the act of writing again is making me feel so much better. I promise my next writing update will be more cohesive! I just needed to ramble a bit here to get my steam back. Life has been a bit rough lately, as we all know, given the state of the world. I lost my path a bit but I’m finding it again. All my garbage here was another step back on track. Okay, okay my musings are over for today 😛
Revising is new territory for me. I have never had a complete first draft to revise in the first place. But this was my plan of attack. First, I let my novel sit for a bit and focused on other things (that was why I was so MIA over the summer) and then late August I reread my whole first draft to get the story back in my mind. Now I am revising: changing scenes and character nuances and changing the vibe of some paragraphs. All of which is me saying I have no idea what I am doing.
Mostly, I am going off my intuition.
Yeah, yeah, yeah… and I am also quite terrified at the same time.
Wow that is a lot of honesty for one post. I think I’ll sign off now. Ha
Jai Lynn 