Vignette #31 “Breathe”

Breathe.

It is one thing to say it. Another to do it.

Breathe.

But the world is spinning before my eyes. My brain can’t keep up with the thoughts running through my mind. Over and over and over. And over. My head is stuck in a loop.

Breathe.

But there are nails digging into my back. My shoulders are carrying the weight of the world. My mind hurts so much I think it’s going to explode.

Just breathe.

Don’t you know there are bills to pay? Don’t you know I haven’t touched another person in over two months? Can’t you see the people being attacked in the street? Everything is so wrong, how can things ever get better? HOW CAN YOU TELL ME TO JUST BREATHE?

But the oxygen is escaping my chest. I feel woozy. There’s a fist clutched around my lungs. If I don’t take a breath now, my body may give way. So breathe. I grimace.

My first attempt is a shutter. The kind you get when the winter wind blows right through you. I feel the emptiness rattle around inside and my shoulders twitch up to my ears. It is more like a gasp and less of an inhalation. Keep breathing.

The second is easier. It’s still not perfect with the air catching in all the other places except where it needs to go, but it softens the pain in my forehead. At least for a second.

Do it again.

I do it again.

Again.

I do it over and over and over. And over.

Do you feel better?

No. Yes. I don’t know. A little.

Keep breathing.

I can’t just stay here forever.

If you want to live, you keep breathing.

But what about money? What about the loneliness? What about the world?

You can’t do anything for anyone without first taking a breath for yourself.

I keep breathing. My shoulders sag. My vision sharpens. The nails in my back fall out one by one by one. The fist clenched around my lungs loosens, slowly… slowly… slowly….

Are you breathing?

Yes.

How do you feel?

…Better…

Good.
Now, go do what you have to do and don’t forget

Photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash

©2020 Jai Lynn

This post Vignette #31 “Breathe” appeared first on Jai Lynn.

Twitter | Instagram|Pinterest

Announcement – Jai Lynn Blog 2020 Posting Schedule

Hello world, as promised in my last Snapshot! monthly recap…. here is the official posting schedule for 2020!

  • Poetry – in the mood for a poem? Expect a poem every Wednesday
  • Living Life vignettes – need a spellbindingly enchanting written out documentation of brushing your teeth (among other real life struggles)? Expect a vignette every other Friday
  • Alternate Reality collection- feeling an independent (Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Horror, ect.) flash fiction piece with lots of MAGIC? Expect it the last Tuesday of every month
  • Snapshot! – want a brief monthly recap about the writer (me, Jai Lynn)’s life/blog/reading/writing experiences? Expect it on the last day of every month
  • Announcements – desiring to keep up with news about this blog and this struggling writer’s life? Expect a post as they are needed

This schedule goes live February 1st!

Until next time,

Snapshot 12/31/19 // Learning From the Risks and Rewards of 2019, and Anticipating the Roaring 20’s Ahead

Currently listening: “Meet Me In the Woods“- Lord Huron /
New Year’s Day“- Taylor Swift
Currently watching: The Office S3/ Shameless S4
Currently playing: Sims 4
Will be (re)reading: The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

2019 is over.

It was a terrible, wonderful, weird and life changing year. I switched jobs, got super sick, then got super healthy, and grew a lot (A LOT) I believe as a person in 2019. I certainly feel different at least. December was a culmination of everything 2019 was: terrible, wonderful, weird and life changing. Let’s take a look at those goals shall we?

December Goals:

  1. Research, research, research! Check. I didn’t do an enormous amount on my WIP but I did a decent job (which will continue into the new year…. spoiler alert lol).
  2. Post 2 Living Life vignettes this month. Check.
  3. Redesign my website a bit. Check. I did a little of this and am going to be laying it out in January so be on the look out for some changes to my blog!
  4. Play my violin more. Check, check! I played more than I did in November!

So overall December was very successful! 2019, though challenging, was also kinda… fun. I risked and (thankfully) was rewarded. I met a lot of new people, learned a lot of new things, and discovered a lot about myself. Now let us head into 2020….

2020 Goals Heading into January (aka the ROARING 20’S ARE BACK BABY):

  1. Research, research, research! Again I’m putting this one on because this month I intend to finish all. the. research. for that pesky WIP. That way I can move onto outlining, and then finally WRITING. The BEST (and hardest) part. This baby step will help me to reach one of my ultimate 2020 resolutions to FINALLY finish that first draft.
  2. Plan a steadier posting schedule! That way I can get a routine down for myself and for all the lovely viewers out there kind enough to listen to my rambles and read my stories.
  3. Enact redesigning the site! I’ve planned, and I’ve got some more planning to do but I hope to show the changes by the end of this January.

Christmas has come and gone.
My food coma is growing strong.
Cleaning up my room is taking too long.
BUT, all is okay.

I got to see the Rockefeller Christmas Tree (which was wonderful and brought me so much joy) AND the new Little Women movie all in the same month. Just a small PSA. EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE THIS MOVIE. IT IS BEYOND AMAZING AND I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT.

Okay I’m done. But really you need to go see it. Now.

What I Read:

Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare. What can I say about this book. That it ruined romance for me? Yes, because no boy alive can compare to Will Herondale or James Carstairs. Not to mention that Tessa is just so relatable. I love this book. I will love this series till the day I die. It mesmerized me for years, ever since the summer before I started college when I first read Clockwork Angel. It shaped a lot of who I became, and it always seemed to fit with whatever was going on with my life at the time. Will loved to read, Jem loved the violin, Charlotte reminded me of my Aunt, Henry my Uncle. It got me through so many hard times. This series is one of my tops and though I enjoy a lot of books not many make it to the top. I love it so much I think I won’t read it again for a very long time. That way it will sort of seem like new again.
One Day in December by Josie Silver. Fun, romantic read that I enjoyed. Definitely more of an adult book, and not very young adult. Modern, contemporary story about love at first sight and fate and chances taken and chances NOT taken. It did lag though at some points but it always picked up. Reminded me of the play If/Then with Idina Menzel that I was fortunate enough to see. It also reminded me of Sleepless in Seattle a bit at the end with the (SPOILERS) radio and Laurie calling in to speak to Jack. Everyone knows a person like Sarah who is stardust incarnate. Jack was agreeable. Laurie was very relatable, quiet and just trying to get through life like the rest of us. Enjoyed it very much though. Not gonna lie I also really liked Oscar, and his whole personality and spiel. Recommend if your looking for a December romance read.
The Nutcracker by E.T.A. Hoffmann with illustrations by Sanna Annukka: A classic, I’ve wanted to read this story for years because every Christmas I always watch the ballet on Youtube so I wanted to know where the original story originated from. Not disappointed. I really enjoyed it, and it is very much a fairytale. Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson vibes. I am going to try to integrate it as a book to reread every year. PICTURES IN THIS EDITION ARE GORGEOUS. Overall, it is a quick, lovely Christmas read.
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo is one I’m sorta reading right now. Here and there. I’m enjoying it! It is inspiring me to clean my room…

Aaaaand drumroll please…… tomorrow I will be starting my reread of….

oh yessssss THE GREAT GATSBY! I’m so excited. It is finally the return of the Roaring 20’s!!!!!

What I’ll Be Writing:

  • Living Life vignettes
  • (moody) Poetry
  • Monthly Snapshot! post
  • and who knows… maybe some surprises?

My Round Up of December Posts:

Alright 2020… I think I’m ready. Bring on the downs, the ups and all the screams of fear and excitement for the roller coaster ride you’ll be. I’m ready to ride.

What are some of your resolutions this year? I’d love to talk in the comments!

Till next time,