“Addict”

I know
it’s bad for me.

Recommended one dose
and I’ll take three.

Better choices
but the Devil is what I see.

Drinking the poison
like it’s tea.

Desperation for something
making me fall to the knee.

You say I have a choice
but shackles aren’t free.

I know
it’s bad for me.

But the bad choice
is all I’ll ever be.

Photo by GRAS GRÜN on Unsplash

©2021 Jai Lynn

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Writing is Hard | WIP Update | May 2021 | It’s Part of the Journey

Previous post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | April 2021 | Vienna

Doesn’t May make you sad sometimes? I don’t know… this could just be me rambling but May means summer is almost here, but not yet. And that’s the thing. Summer isn’t here yet so I’m sad. But also, the year moved by so fast and that means that summer (once it comes) will end again too. I don’t know about you but I love summer and I’ve been waiting for what feels like forever for it to come back.

What my beautiful metaphor of an opening paragraph is alluding to is that with writing too I’ve been sad this month, and I’m a little worried about like… everything. My emotions have been up and down, riding all the waves of May. Self doubt is a killer. Everyone has those moments of what am I doing with my life? I had a few this month, and I’ve come to the realization that at the end of it, even if I don’t “make it” or whatever at least I tried my best. At least I listened to my heart. I’ve been writing when I can and planning when I can’t. But I keep going and that’s the point.

Probably because I’m stubborn as shit. And I feel this weird incessant calling to have to write. So. There we go.

In high school, I loved to write for fun. I would scribble poems in the margins of my notebook and I would write fanfiction on the back of handouts. I think in the back of my mind I was subconsciously aware that one day I would end up as a writer, but freshman/sophmore year of high school it was just a very distant dream. I would even go as far to say that the me at that time would say she didn’t want to be a writer. Maybe even at all. You see at that time in my life I wanted to do something with my life. Like, be a firefighter and rescue innocents from burning buildings or be a physical therapist and help injured athletes rehabilitate. I (wrongly) didn’t view writing and becoming a published author as doing something with my life at that time which is so vastly different to who I am now.

So I resisted.

Part of the reason I believe I felt this way was because I thought that if writing became my profession than that would suck all the fun out of my favorite thing. Writing when I was young was escapism, it kept me calm, it made the world seem like a beautiful dream of possibility. But the reality of my life was school, and if I haven’t already said it enough before I loathed school. LOATHED. Literally.

School was my job and my job wasn’t fun. I never wanted that to happen with writing. That was part of the reason and the other was my idealistic sense of purpose that I wanted to be a hero. I mean who doesn’t, at least at some point in their life?

But honestly, maybe I was just afraid.

If I am being honest, I still am.

The Lowell Saga (TLS), as you all know, is the working name for my current WIP. The more I work on it the more I see all its faults. 😦 But I also see all its potential. 😀 If I can figure it out, then I know I can make this a great story that will hopefully one day be published. Gosh that’s my dream guys. I’m trying here.

This month I got more writing in. Not a lot, but something so I can keep moving in the right direction. May was all ups and downs for me but June will be much more steady. Calm shores and not rocky waves. No one can predict the future but this is what I am trying to manifest lol.

This month I think I’ll talk a little bit about one of the main premises of TLS which is what essentially the entire plot revolves around. The treasure hunt. Their is no one great category to put my weird WIP in but if I had to I’d sayTLS is some weird mix of fantasy, magical realism, young adult/coming of age/new adult, adventure, mystery, noir, anime inspired beast of a story vibes. (That is such a weird combination, Jai, like WTF?) Yes I know that is what you are all probably thinking haha, BUT by the time I actually finish with the story though who knows what it will be? The beauty of drafting is that things can change at any time.

But not the treasure hunt aspect. No that is a main part of the story and always has been. There are seven lost artifacts that my main characters, essentially the main trio, will be revolving around for the entirety of the books. And I can tell you they encounter at least three of them in the first book. 😉

How are your stories going? I would love to hear so we can vibe together!

Till next time,

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word count: 75,752

“Day Dreaming”

Golden light
on bare skin.

Mint chocolate chip
painted across nails.

Laughter and yells
in the bright sea salt air.

The ocean
awaiting the incumbent return.

How can I
put it to words
when it means
so much more?

Every other season
is a dream.
For it is
only
in the summer
I am awake.

And the irony is…
summer
is the only season
where life actually
is
a beautiful dream.

Photo by Scott Trento on Unsplash

©2021 Jai Lynn

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“High Functioning”

She wears the suit
with the heels so high.

She moves with purpose
even as she says goodbye.

She can laugh
with the best,
and sympathize
with the worst.

She listens to your troubles
and she bottles the rest.

She’ll get a perfect score
on that invisible test.

She smiles like she knows
though
it’s just a habit
she can’t break.

Even alive people
can be dead,
just better at the fake.

©2021 Jai Lynn

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“Human”

Maybe
the universe is testing me.

Maybe
that’s why I got thrown the promotion
to fix
the unfixable problems.

Maybe
that’s why I fell in love and then out
to see
my unseeable habits.

Maybe
that’s why my words got rejected again and again
to write
what I had never written before.

I just wish
it didn’t have to happen
all
at
once.

I
am
no
hero.

I am just human.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

©2021 Jai Lynn

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