Flash Fiction- “Deja Vu”

I saw you first. That was usually the case.

But I thought it would be better if it was the other way around. Maybe then that would change things. I did believe everything happened for a reason. Even if I didn’t understand why.

Your back was to me. Again, as familiar as my own hand. Too tall, too skinny that’s what my mother usually said when she saw us together. But you had always been higher off the ground than me, and always thinner than a reed blowing off the wind from the ocean. At least for as long as I’d known you.

“I had a dream last night.”

You turned around immediately at the sound of my voice, your eyes finding me and following till I was standing right next to you. “Oh, really?” I couldn’t remember the last time we greeted each other properly, maybe it had only been that first time we met years ago.

“Yeah… you were in it.” Walking down the boardwalk everything looked the same. The bumper cars were bashing in the background and the kids were screaming from the mini roller coaster that didn’t tip upside down. How we wished it would tip upside down.

By flinging your hands in your pockets I knew you were going to go along with whatever game I was playing. The joke was there was no game. But I didn’t know how else to say it. It was quiet until you filled in with “Did I do something weird?”

I grabbed your arm and pulled us over to the line for the ice cream stand. You didn’t protest, which I considered a victory. “Not particularly.”

“Then what?” We stepped together as the line moved.

“Well… I guess you did say something weird.”

“What did I say?”

It was our turn next to order. I wished the line had been a little longer, and the previous orders more complicated. But, how complex could it get when there were only four flavors to choose from. They changed everyday but you never knew what you were going to get. “In the dream we were at the boardwalk, and we were getting ice cream just like this.”

You pushed your sunglasses off your face and gave me a good long look. “What did I order?”

“Butterscotch.” I smiled. “And I got mint.” Our turn now.

Pistachio. Mint. Vanilla. Butterscotch. Those were the choices.

I swallowed slowly. “See.”

The girl at the counter smiled. “What can I get you?” She looked very happy, but I felt a little worried.

Then you said it. “Butterscotch.”

“Pistachio. Please.” I said instead. I knew you were confused. Well. I had a reason. “Just go with me. I’ll explain.”

“What did I say to you in this dream?”

“Something awful.”

The girl came back a moment later with our ice cream. I didn’t try to fill the silence. Neither did you. So the counter girl said “$4.44 please.”

You paid, slapping down the money before I could even reach into my pocket. “I got this.” I know you do. Taking a big bite off the top of my cone I turned away. This time you were following my back, and I led you down the slope to the beach. “Don’t you want to eat at our table?” Your voice was out of breath, probably because it was hot and I had just power walked the long stretch to the ocean on adrenaline alone.

“Not today.” If I could change as much as I could then that would help. At least I thought so. My ice cream was already halfway gone. Yours looked pretty much untouched. It was even starting to drip onto the sand. The water was easier to look at. I looked so far the ocean and the sky were one. I knew you were waiting for me to say something.

“In the dream we were sitting at our table and you told me-” but I never finished the sentence. A piercing scream rose from the ocean and there was only enough time for us both to glance at the little blond head that disappeared under the waves. Our boardwalk was so small there was never a regular life guard on Sundays. That didn’t stop people from swimming.

“Darien!” It was my turn to scream, but your ice cream had already fallen to the sand.

“I have to go.” And my heart lurched. No. No. No. “She’ll drown.” No. She won’t.

By the time I moved to go after you, you were already in the waves and no matter how fast I ran I couldn’t catch up. You just got further and further away…

“No!” I yelled. “You will.” But it was useless, and then the water swallowed you whole. This time it had been the waves. They reached you quicker than I could. And then the little girl was next to me.

“He didn’t even say goodbye.” she said. I brought my fist to her face but then, my eyes blinked open. I was awake and the beach was gone. It was my bedroom.

And I was alone.

Every night this happens. Every dream feels real. No matter how I change the scenario you still always go.

It’s just a dream… and I know you’re right next door. The universe though won’t stop showing me how with each and every nightmare it’s like seeing you for the last time.

Photo by Heather Barnes on Unsplash

©2020 Jai Lynn

This post Flash Fiction- “Deja Vu” appeared first on Jai Lynn.

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“It’s So Funny”

Ha ha ha!

It’s been
four months
since I’ve seen you last

when there was ice
in the air
and biting frost
grazing through my hair

but you were warm
like the sun,
warming my cold,
I know we had fun.

Now you’re back
and it’s summer
but I
don’t really
know how to explain.

Something’s cool
in your smile
and it’s starting
to show
that you’ve changed.

Was I just
something
to pass the
snowy time?
A chip of ice
to cool down
your flame.

That blonde
you’re looking at
now is damn fine.
Looks like heat
is more within
your sight line.

I can see through
that facade
like a window
of cracked glass.

Seasons change,
connections don’t
last.

I guess
I was just
a cool breeze
to make the time
pass.

How funny.

Ha.
Ha.
Ha

Photo by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash

©2020 Jai Lynn

This post “It’s So Funny” appeared first on Jai Lynn.

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“Boy Next Door”

I looked for you
when I rounded the bend
on our street.

I looked for you
when the sun was high
and the air filled with heat.

If it was raining out
I knew our paths
would surely not meet.

I thought I always
was the one
to notice you first.

I thought I always
tried to find the right words
only my voice was dried by thirst.

Probably, it was for the best
to stay on the sidewalk
as a girl, silent and cursed.

Then, one day walking
down our street
I noticed a flash of color.

Him going one way,
and I the other, neither of us stopped
except in the looks we gave each other.

I held your eyes,
and you held mine
until out of sight in that breath of summer.

After, I wondered
what it meant.

Me always looking to you
and then you seeing me.

Maybe you too thought words
weren’t the only way to speak.

©2020 Jai Lynn

This post “Boy Next Door” first appeared on Jai Lynn.

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10 of My Favorite Feelings Tag

Life moves at the blink of an eye.

Now more than ever, with the world the way that it is right now, it’s important to slow down and remember what really matters in life. I’m sure all of us have had to take more than a few deep breaths these past few months, but in those breaths it’s the perfect moment to slow down and reflect on everything we do have that’s right in our worlds despite all the rest that isn’t.

I want to thank Xandria so much for creating this tag! If you haven’t checked out her blog yet, I highly recommend you do! She is such a ray of sunshine and positivity! 😀 Writing this post really relaxed me and brought a smile to my face as I thought of all my favorite feelings. It made me feel much more mindful about living my life in the moment, right here and now.

  1. Petrichor

I love going outside right after it rains. That first deep breath of fresh air is unlike any other smell in the world.

2. The Twilight Hours

I love that slip of time between dawn and sunrise or sunset and dusk. It’s such a strange, magical time of the day where it feels like anything can happen. It’s ephemeralness also makes it all the more special because you can only experience it for so long.

3. Surprise Laughter

Everyone knows this feeling. When all of a sudden something happens, and you totally caught off guard, just burst out laughing. Laughter is one of the most healing, stress relieving feelings in the world.

4. Mood Reading

A lot of us read but we don’t always read for enjoyment. Some things we are required to read but I love when I’m in a particular mood and I find the perfect book that embodies that particular mood. When the book I’m reading matches my feelings I feel like the world has come full circle.

5. The Ocean

I love looking at the ocean. I could go to the beach, stand and just look at the ocean for hours. It’s always changing, always rolling, always leaving but it also is never failing to come back.

6. Going to the Movies

I love going to the movies with my friends, but I haven’t been able to do this in forever because of current world problems. But, that feeling when the lights dim and the previews are over and the intro music starts playing…. I’m all there for that.

7. New York City

I love going to New York City. Whenever I’m there I’m surrounded by tall people, tall buildings and tall aspirations. It feels like an adventure every time I’m there, like wow this city can make all my dreams come true kinda feeling. I don’t think that’s universal for everyone who goes there but the City has always had a special place in my heart. You never know what’s going to happen, who you are going to see or what delicious food you are going to get to eat!!

8. High Intensity Exercise

This one is a double edged sword. To get to that adrenaline rush, I have to push myself to get into the zone of working out but once I’m there I feel so strong. Like I could fight a monster with my bare hands.

9. Wandering

I love to walk around. Especially places I’ve never been before. I want to see things I’ve never seen before and I want to people-watch and I want to see how this place in front of me is different from anything I’ve seen before. I’m always game for exploring and getting lost in the world around me.

10. Writing

This is my favorite feeling of all my favorite feelings. When everything melts away, your fingers flying, and it’s just you and the story playing in your mind. When you hit this level of emotion in writing it’s like the world you’ve created has come alive around you. Yes. This is my favorite favorite feeling. When I make imagination into reality.


Tags:
Sophie @ Sophie’s Corner
Sidharth @ Writing Rhymes
Olivia @ Purely Olivia
Helen Qin @ Confessions of a Doctor to be
The Orangutan Librarian

No pressure to do this!! Just if you want a fun tag to do 😀

What are some of your favorite feelings? Do the tag!! I’ll open it to everyone. Just don’t forget to tag Xandria in your post, and send me the link in the comments! I want to read about all your favorite feelings too!!

Till next time,

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Living Life #13 “Déjà Vu”

(a collection of independent vignettes)

I know you.

My sneakers skidded to a stop in the street. A drum was beating in my chest and a shiver screamed down my spine. It didn’t matter that the sun was blazing down from high above because my body had suddenly run bitterly cold.

I know you.

It hit me right in the face from all the way across the street where you were. Sitting outside the very coffee shop I was nearly on my way to. You didn’t even look up and silently I thanked my lucky stars.

Though was I really lucky that they had let me get this far?

I wish I had realized it sooner. But in all fairness, I’m glad I realized it at all. Years had blown by my mind all in the matter of a single glance, just across the street. Why now? Why? Why?

Fate you’re cruel.

A few months ago, I noticed you at the table across from me. You were just sipping your coffee and I had been minding my own business. But then I saw you the next week, and the week after that. Kind words passed between us when your order accidentally got mixed up with mine. You said hi to me the next time we crossed paths and then goodbye a few days later.

You even told me a story about your job. You looked so happy and so passionate and I was so stupid. I got a crush. A crush. The perfect word for a terrible thing. I wanted to crush your mouth against mine and now I want to crush the bones in your body.

But that’s just me trying to get a handle on the feelings turning my blood to ice. You were just being nice. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself.

Stealing my sleep at night, distracting me at work, turning my brain to goo when all you did was walk by my table on your way to the restroom. Good God. You probably didn’t even know how much I liked you.

So many years have passed, you most assuredly don’t remember me. Not from back then. It was ten years ago, when high school was right around my corner and college was the next step for you. I was chubby and small, nothing worthy of a near senior. I saw you at a party that I just happened to be at by accident. I was hanging out with a friend whose name I don’t even remember now, and her older sister was having a a few friends over. And there you were.

I know you.

Even then I gave you gaga eyes and stared. I looked right at you. You did not look at me. Then I watched as another girl walked right up to you and you squeezed your arm tightly around her. All alone in your own world. That’s when I ran upstairs to hide.

I stole another look across the street and there it was glimmering in the stupid heat from the sun. I never noticed the ring, but now it’s all I see. Stupid, stupid me… I never even thought to check before.

You still have the same face. The same tan. The same laugh that fills the air. No wonder I saw you from across the room. It was inevitable, but why?

My nails dug deep into my palms, but if they pushed any farther I might have started bleeding on the street. This stupid crush trying to tear me apart.

I pushed myself to put one foot in front of the other and I walked away from the heat, the cafe, you. You had no idea, thank God. The past belongs in the past. And from now on that is where you are going to stay.

I know you.

But why did it even have to happen at all?

Living Life # 9 (a collection of vignettes)

“Undone”

Something was watching me. My breath caught in the back of my throat and I froze.

It was a nagging feeling, the type that says the oven’s on or the door’s unlocked. Not exactly the concrete creep of a touch to the shoulder but, for the fourth time today, I felt it. I wasn’t alone. 

First weaving through the high grass as I crested the hill, next meandering over the small bridge near the lake, and then sitting on the porch outside my front door. It was there, in all those places. And it was here, right now… this peculiar feeling. The best explanation I could give would be that it felt as if all my personal, private expressions were being noted. How earlier the way my arms had swung like reeds in the wind at my sides, or how my eyes had floated down to the water to catch something sparkling, or even when one of my boots tripped over the other and I tried to walk it off like it never happened. And I had been alone. Supposedly. Until in the next breath after each of those actions I suddenly became undone.

Each and every time, I turned. At the hill all I saw was the swell and buckle of the land beyond, the lake’s water had held still as if trapped in a glass and even though I heard the door creak on the porch it was held firmly shut just as I had left it. This time I determined would be different. It would be futile to turn, so I wouldn’t. Instead I would let whatever it was come to me. 

I released my long held breath and bushed it off as if I hadn’t noticed anything at all. I placed my hands firmly on my hips and looked off to the trees ahead trying to focus. The longer I stared though the more the feeling grew. Maybe I had made a mistake. 

In the tangle of the trees that marked the entrance to the forest, I could spy not a thing out of place. There was no wind so the leaves were still and the clouds above cast the shadows long and deep beyond the trunks. There was not a hint of movement. Trying to focus on anything else I strained to hear the birds but no songs touched my ears. My nails dug a bit deeper into my hips and I tried to tell myself maybe it was going to rain and that’s all the silence was. A calm before the storm. Instead, my heart insisted on not listening to this drivel. It pounded to its own rushed beat that even my own lies couldn’t stop. The truth it hammered again and again was this. There was nothing in the forest… but there was almost certainly something behind me. 

A ghost of a touch breezed by the back of my left thigh. I stayed still. The trees filled my eyes. Look to the trees, look to the trees. But maybe I couldn’t see the forest I was trapped in for those trees. No. Don’t think like that. Choose the high road. That wasn’t real.  

A trace of a tingle across my elbow. Look. No. Don’t. Look to the sky instead and try to tell one cloud from another, even though the imminent rain would make that impossible. 

A curl of breath against my neck. Too warm to be from the lungs of the nonexistent wind. My heart stuttered releasing my own breath from its cage and I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned.

The porch, the lake, the hills against a gray sky were all in sight… and someone was there. But still… they were the only thing I couldn’t see.