Writing is Hard | WIP Update | April 2023 | (check-in)

Previous Post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | March 2023 | Imperfect

Just a brief check in post. Short and sweet. April has been a bit better month than March. I am doing okay and for my readers out there who are still here, thank you for hanging on with me. I hope I can give you all a better post for May.

I did not work on The Lowell Saga this month. I started brainstorming on an old story instead. My head needed something simpler to wrap around and that’s okay. We will see where it goes πŸ™‚

Until we meet again,

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(Currently still revising the first draft of TLS…../Outlining a old & new story)

Writing is Hard | WIP Update | March 2023 | Imperfect

Previous Post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | February 2023 | Cool

This post is late. Usually I am very on top of my updates, and to be honest, I almost didn’t come back to my computer to write this post. I thought why even try, you missed the opportunity. It’s already well into April (it’s the second as I am writing this paragraph if I am being real) but my brain had already resigned itself to the fact that I failed. I missed the opportunity to get my post in for the month. I am a terrible human being.

That is only a snippet of what perfectionism feels like.

If it’s not done properly why even do it at all. I am a failure.

For many years I have struggled with this mentality. It’s crippling, especially as of this March, where I barely had the energy to do much of anything. I thought at first it’s okay I just need to rest. It’s okay I’ll just do the bare minimum and the rest will come back later. This month is already written off as a joke, we will do better next time. That was midway through March.

But I didn’t do better. I fell again and then again. I spiraled to the point all I could do was stuff my face with whatever was in reach and then pace my house in anxiety of what I had gotten done and hadn’t gotten done that day. I hated myself, I lived in fear day after day of what new anxiety would come to punch me in the face. I lost time to useless thoughts that would chase me down again and again in the racetrack of my mind. Anxiety is a race that I can never win. Never. The thoughts always catch me. The race never ends. The only way to get out is to not get on the track at all.

The fact that you are reading this is a testament to me trying to change. I’m fighting back against the rough mental health month I have had. I am trying to be nice to myself. I’m trying to remember that bad times are just that, bad times and they are temporary. I am trying to be grateful for all the wonderful things in my life I do have. And I have many and many a blessing.

No, my life is not perfect. And that’s okay, that’s okay. I’m trying to rise above my anxiety and get better. In a healthy way. I am trying to pick myself up. That’s why this rambling post exists.

It’s not perfect. That’s okay. This is me trying again.

And that is what matters when for the past few weeks all I wanted to do was give up.

I did do a bit of writing at the beginning of this month and that is not for naught. I am still editing. I am still trying. I just need to stop getting in the way of myself and that is the personal journey I am on right now.

Nothing is perfect.

Nothing is perfect.

Nothing is perfect.

Until we meet again,

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(Currently still revising the first draft of TLS…..)

Writing is Hard | WIP Update | February 2023 | Cool

Previous Post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | January 2023 | Constant

I do not know how many of these little updates I have written since the inception of my blog but I know that whenever I do sit down to write a post I tend to get lost in it. The writing takes over for itself and just goes off in whatever vibe I am currently riding in in the moment. I never have any idea of what I am going to write when I sit down to write one of these until that flow begins. Today I am writing in a different place than I normally do and though it feels a little strange it feels very relaxing, and productive too. Do those adjectives even go together lol? I don’t know they usually don’t in my life as of late but in all honesty both are very true feelings right now.

February was a month of emotions but ultimately good even though I definitely did not always feel good this month. But I did feel growth. That’s the thing about life. We are constantly changing, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. This month had some very high emotions that I am working through but at the end of it all I believe I will be a stronger person than I ever was.

Writing wise though I have made some progress! I work very slowly but I work very surely.

Haha not the happiest gif but accurate for my past month lol. It’s all good. It’s the journey!

I left off talking about my writing journey a long line of posts back. Maybe even years back…. like the summer of 2021-ish if I skimmed through my past posts accurately and didn’t miss anything haha. Well, let me pick back up on that then. Last I had spoken it was of high school and the “Wow!” I had gotten on the top of little poem I had scribbled out between classes sophmore year. A “Wow!” that had been from one of the most difficult graders at our school. A “Wow!” that had been my first exposure to the idea of having my work published.(I’ll attach the link here if anyone wants to read it again. #shamelessselfpromotion) A “Wow!” that I totally dismissed and didn’t even think possible at the time. Me? Be a writer? Me? Publish my work? What? I thought there was no way I would succeed at that. Maybe later in life but certainly not now.

Writing for me back then was all fanfiction. (And the schoolwork I had to do.) It was a release. It was my innermost thoughts and feelings. It was something I did because it just made me happy. I loved writing back then so much. I still do, just not in the same way. But I am trying to find my way back to that girl I used to be. It’s funny looking back at when I was sixteen that little did I know how how much struggle I would eventually fall into for that little dream of being a writer. Struggle, struggle, struggle..… I am 27 now and looking back now, like wow. Life is strange. Life is strange.

My first year of college was when the next major life event happened. I was in a Sherlock Holmes seminar class, and the final project was to write a story about yourself meeting Sherlock Holmes. I wrote the story, and I had a lot of fun with it. Maybe I’ll post it here one day. But, it was my professor that made all the difference. After class when I read it aloud, she pulled me aside, and she asked me “Have you ever considered taking a creative writing course?”

I was flattered, I got an A+ on the paper, and I did not know what to do. Some part of me at 27 still doesn’t…

But again I was hit with the thought. Could I be a writer…..?

I am very thankful for the teachers I have mentioned thus far. Their words were minor things but they affected my whole life. So maybe they weren’t so minor after all.

In regards to The Lowell Saga, I am plugging along. I thought today I would share a bit about my main character just so you can get the gist of the kind of person she is….. πŸ˜‰

Lowell Ryan is intelligent, at least in the things that she finds worthwhile. She is obsessive, but only in regards to forgotten long lost gods. She is confident, in the only way a struggling girl could be when everything she loves is on the line. Lowell Ryan is the manifestation of a hero without actually being one. Yet.

But she also is essentially the coolest person alive that I always wanted to be but never really thought I could.

I should stop thinking that way.

Until we meet again,

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(Currently still revising the first draft of TLS…..)

Writing is Hard | WIP Update | January 2023 | Constant

Previous Post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | December 2022 | Happy Holidays!

January for me has always been a month of constants. A constant start to a new me, a constant doll-drum of the winter blues, a constant threshold of health and side hustles and passion endeavors. This January was different. For once I felt like I didn’t need a fresh start. 2022 had been the year to push me to change. 2023 is the year where I am starting to see the results of everything that has changed in my life. All because of me. This January feels no different in feeling constant. It is just a different meaning of constant continuation to build on the strong foundation I already have.

Taking my dog out for sunrise walks, drinking green tea out of my Kirby mug at midday, running like I know no bounds in the evenings after work and daydreaming a universe of stories I want to write in all the time in between. All small changes I have made just leading me closer to the life I want to have. January is a fresh start for many but it is not the only time to start. Change can start whenever you choose it to.

This month I met up with a very old friend who I haven’t seen in years and can’t wait to see again. My boyfriend took me to see Hadestown on Broadway and adored it. I ate waffles for dinner for the first time in my life and 10/10 would do it again. I just started my first play-through of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and I am savoring every puzzle I get to figure out. I am spending so much time with my loved ones, learning so much at my new job, following my passions, reading anything and everything and just very happy with how far I have come. Happiness is not a destination, it is the journey itself. It took me a long time to learn that lesson but I am here. Life isn’t perfect, it’s messy and hard. Life is also very wonderful and very worth it. I know what I want out of life and, even if I still have a ways to go and a lot of work ahead of me, I am happy.

That is everything. πŸ™‚

I have found my obsessions.

The itch to write/edit has finally hit me. Now we have traction again on the revisions for The Lowell Saga Book 1. Title most certainly going to change, LOL. Once I find the right one haha πŸ˜‰ I have made progress working through chapters that have already been written and have created a few new scenes which overall I feel are tying the story together more tightly. Which is a thing that is very close to my heart. I CRAVE/OBSESS on my works having resonance which is such an important part of writing and it might be my favorite part of writing overall. Though I do adore creating new characters a lot too. Progress is still slow but its moving, damn its moving and its time.

(Also I have been obsessing all day over a new story idea for the other series I want to write after TLS and I just feel all tingly, it’s great.)

I have also found a healthy obsession with running, that has really solidified this month. I have been consistently going to the gym 3-4 times a week after work and on weekends. I am going, I am doing it and I want to do it. Like, wow wow wow. Even after a long day I still want to run. When I run I feel like I can pound all my stress out through my heels and leave it behind. I also have a new obsession with spinach and hummus pitas and it is life changing. It is my go to lunch and leaves me feeling satisfied and healthy. And then a Milano cookie when I need it because you always need a treat, right? πŸ˜‰ ahahahaha. My relationship with food has also changed a lot from a year ago and I am just astounded with where I am.

Reading is another obsession that I have always had but just never realized how involved I was in it. I read, like damn, I read. Consistently everyday. I average on 25 books a year, so that is NOWHERE near plenty of others but its so damn perfect for me. And I don’t know it just makes me really happy so I wanted to include it haha

BUT THE LATEST OBSESSION which is a feeling that has escaped me for years and I am SO GLAD is back is drowning myself in a video game. For so long, I was worrying and not taking enough self care time and just constantly overthinking things I didn’t need to obsess over. But now I am putting that worry time to SELF CARE time and just enjoying myself. I recently beat Pokemon Violet and loved it. Then, my boyfriend and I started a play through of TLoZ: Ocarina of Time and guys it is amazing. I love this game so so so so MUCHHHHHHHHHHH. I just beat the Fire Temple. Next is the Water Temple and I hear its a doozy. Wish me luck!

And all of this is just making me more and more inspired to write!! That was why I included all those obsessions in the writing half of my update. They are important to the plot of my life and writing journey LOL. My creative well is being filled and it is amazing. The Lowell Saga cast is so diverse and so messy and so heart wrenching. The story itself is an adventure on the outside with deeper philosophical guts as to the meaning of life itself. Reading books, playing video games, giving myself the freedom to run and live is reminding me of when I was a kid and writing was as easy as breathing. Maybe what I needed all along was just to give myself room to breathe that way the words could make their way through the walls I had put up. Only time will tell but I am having a great run, pun intended and all.

How has 2023 been treating you dear readers so far? Any good video games you’re playing?

Till next month,

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(Currently still revising the first draft of TLS…..)

Writing is Hard | WIP Update | December 2022 | Happy Holidays!

Previous Post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | November 2022 | Wondering…


If my previous enthusiasm wasn’t enough haha allow me to explain. December is one of my favorite months of the year. One reason is because the holidays are coming! Which means I get to celebrate and see my loved ones and eat delicious food and delicious leftovers haha πŸ™‚ And the other reason is because December is a month of closure. Another year is in the books and we survived and learned and grew. 2022 was one of the best and one of the hardest years of my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

This year I left one job and started another, and it’s going extremely well! I started running a few times a week and I love the change I am seeing in my mood, body and overall mindset. I eat a lot healthier than I used to and feel fueled up for all the things I want to do. I am actively playing my violin again and it is hard but so, so rewarding. I’m learning Italian in my free time because I want to go back to Italy someday. I feel very grateful to have my family, boyfriend, friends and my puppy all in my life for how much support and love they show me.

Andddddddd I’m fitting writing more into my routine and it makes me feel so fulfilled! I have retained a much healthier mindset with regards to writing this year and, as I’ve mentioned before, I am writing The Lowell Saga for me and me alone. To finish it is the goal and where all my happiness lies and if it were to be published one day that would be a wonderful bonus. So let’s get into how that is going, shall we?

I crave an obsession.

And by obsession what I am referring to is that childhood feeling you might get when a new Pokemon game comes out and all you want to do is sit there and play play play. Or when the next Shadowhunters book by Cassandra Clare comes out and you spend the next three days spending all your free time turning page after page. That’s the kind of obsession I crave. I want to be totally consumed by something. Well, there is something specific I have in mind to be honest.

And it has happened before, so I am trying to manifest it again.

I want to be immersed in creativity again and have my new obsession be writing. Surprise, surprise. When I was in high school I remember coming home, after finishing my homework of course lol, and spending my night consumed with writing. Mostly fanfics, but then I deviated to my own original creations. Some! Of! Which! Appear in The Lowell Saga.

So basically, I want my 2023 to be a writing obsession.

Editing The Lowell Saga has slowed down this month because I’ve started a new job. But! After reading many books about habits, and time management and blah blah blah I am working on creating a new routine that will make it impossible not to write. And still live my best life.

I wish I had more for you guys in terms of an update but what I can say is that I am plugging along chapter by chapter trying to make it the best it can be. So far I am editing Chapter 2. I already have edited the Prologue and created a better opening for Chapter 1 to have an easier introduction into the world instead of what I had before so, slowly but surely, I am making progress. Hopefully in January I will have more.

My resolutions for the new year are as follows:
1. Creating my new, productive routine
2. Writing
3. Saving up some $$$$

What are some of your resolutions for the new year dear readers?

Happy holidays everyone!! And Happy New Year to those of you who are celebrating!!

Till next month,

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(Currently still revising the first draft of TLS…..)

Writing is Hard | WIP Update | November 2022 | Wondering…

Previous Post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | October 2022 | Improving

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

I think so… I really think so. I want to believe that every ounce of pain has a purpose, and every ounce of joy. I don’t want the world to be a random mess of dots colliding with each other. I want there to be a meaning to the madness, a meaning to the peace.

I know not everyone thinks this way. But that’s a good thing. That’s what makes life interesting.

Some believe the world is a random mess. Others believe in finding meaning in what does happen to them, not that there is meaning in what happens exactly when it happens, but using what has happened to move forward in their lives.

I don’t have any of the answers. But, I do have the capability to ponder them and come to a conclusion I can find on my own terms when I write.

Dare I say it again but it is such a joy and amazement and wonder to me that I must. I have rediscovered my love of writing! Working on The Lowell Saga is fulfilling instead of draining, writing blog posts is cathartic and releasing, and I am sending out poetry and short stories to online literary magazines again! I never thought I would lose that love in the first place but I am so happy to have rediscovered it. I don’t pressure myself into writing anymore. I just set a time to sit down and do it and allow the muse to come. And so far she has been coming and coming and coming. πŸ™‚

I hope this means she is deciding to stay for a while haha

Like I have said before I don’t know if The Lowell Saga will ever see the light of a book store but that doesn’t matter to me anymore. I just need to finish the story for myself at this point and that is what is bringing the joy back to writing. It’s just for me, right now, at least πŸ˜‰

Happy Thanksgiving y’all!! I am so thankful to be able to write again. What are you guys grateful for??

Till next month,

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(Currently still revising the first draft of TLS…..)

Writing is Hard | WIP Update | October 2022 | Improving

Previous Post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | September 2022 | Healthy

October is one of my favorite months. The weather is perfect for sweaters and boots, I usually feel productive and creative, and there is just something spooky in the air. In the best kind of way of course πŸ™‚

October started out very rough. I didn’t get the job I was pinning for, I fell back into old unhealthy habits and my anxiety spiked again and then again and then again…. Usually all of this would have been enough to debilitate me and write the month off as terrible. But I won’t do that. Despite all the misfortune I fell into, this October was a good month after all. Not just because it’s one of my favorite months in general haha but because of how I handled my misfortune.

I was depressed about not getting the job I really wanted so I let myself feel the sadness for a bit but, I didn’t revel in it. I picked myself up. I set a new goal and made a plan to get there. Then, I told myself that job wasn’t meant for me and there is something better out there waiting. Now, I am waiting to hear back about another job I applied for so *fingers crossed*!!

I recognized the unhealthy habits that I started to fall into again, and I forced myself out. I paused when I found myself falling into the same old patterns I had been dying to change, and you know what… for months and months of trying to change I think I finally am. I finally am. It was easier than it ever was before to pull back and recognize my mistakes before they got too far. For months I struggled to do this whenever I hit a roadblock. But, this October, it was easier than it ever has been to not let my emotions get to me to the point of hating myself and not being able to do anything for days. I still struggle but I am doing better. Improving.

And as for my anxiety, that is a condition I know I will live with for the rest of my life. It is not curable but it is manageable and recently, I feel I am coming to terms with how to manage it and not let it overtake my life. It will not control me, I will control it.

So October though difficult at times was a good month.

Writing wise my editing of The Lowell Saga continues… since it falls into the fantasy genre I have been tweaking the world building and trying to add more and more nuances to make it feel more fleshed out. One of the greatest aspects of a fantasy story for readers is the world! What I have learned about my writing process is that my first drafts tend to be nothing more than skeletons. I start with the characters, and their bones. All my stories start with the people they’re about and that is how I get the itch to write. During the first draft, I get a whole lot out of the spirit of the characters, a semblance of plot and a blush of world building but the story itself doesn’t have blood or veins or skin or flesh. Editing is when I add all that stuff in making the second draft more full and able to breathe on its own. Not move yet but at least it can breathe. At least that is how the first book of The Lowell Saga is progressing.

And a result of that is my drafts are unusually very short for first drafts. But that’s okay. Writing is a process and everyone writes differently. I am, after such a rough ride this year, just happy to be writing again!

Hopefully in November I will be starting to implement all my changes in writing the second draft. I am not scared, but excited. Though I also know I have a long road ahead of me. But because of changing my mindset all through the past few months, writing isn’t a chore for me anymore. It’s fun! I am writing this story for me and maybe I will be lucky enough to share it one day.

Also Happy Halloween πŸ˜‰

Till next month,

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(Currently still revising the first draft of TLS…..)

Writing is Hard | WIP Update | September 2022 | Healthy

Previous Post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | August 2022 | One Step At aΒ Time

September… that weird in between time where summer breathes its last breath and autumn starts to stir. I used to hate September. September meant school, it meant endless hours trapped in a classroom surrounded by people I didn’t want to be with and learning things I had no interest in.

Now I love September. It’s a season where life feels like a fresh start again, where I naturally start to feel more productive, and where that crisp rush of wind makes me reach for my nearest comfy sweater.

This past month I did a lot. I reinvested myself in editing The Lowell Saga, my current work in progress, by tweaking some of the main characters, reworking the lore and history central to the story and overall improving upon it to make it the best it can be. I spent hours listening to writing podcasts and reading articles all about craft. Susan Dennard is amazing and if you don’t follow her newsletter, and you are a writer, I suggest you go do that right now! Her insight on writing and the publishing industry itself has been so helpful.

My mental health has also been a lot better this month compared to the summer where I had more than a few rough days. This month I listened to my body, ate nourishing foods like oatmeal in the morning, fulfilled by cravings by going out for ice cream on the last hot day of the year, spent time with my family and my friends and overall was nicer to myself.

I have a bad history of bullying myself into productivity even if I know I am not up to it mentally, emotionally or even physically. I used to think (and still sometimes do) that if I am not actively working towards a goal I am failing. This September though, I took a step back. I let myself rest on days I needed to rest. I worked for an hour some days instead of five. I found myself happier than I have been in months and more productive ironically by giving myself the space to work at my own pace instead of the rigid schedule I usually set for myself. I may not work the fastest but I am working and taking steps in the right direction. As long as I keep going I will get there… with writing The Lowell Saga (TLS), with finding the right job, with exercising, with eating mindfully, with finding time for my passions, and with carving some time to spend with my loved ones. I will get there, and if I continue on the path I am on, with a healthy mindset.

Sometimes you just have to have someone tell you that you are enough. What you can do is enough. As long as you keep going. If you need someone to tell you, dear readers, allow me. You. Are. Enough.

Just keep going forward and you will get where you need to go when you are meant to get there.

I am very pleased with myself if I am being honest. I made some small changes that will have major rippling effects in the plot of TLS. Small changes that I am extremely pleased with. Extremely. I want to share more but that would mean spoilers and when this book is finished I want my readers to experience it as fully as possible. There is no other feeling like reading a book for the first time.

And hopefully I will write something others want to read. But if not and I am the only one who wants to read it you know, that’s okay. I need to write this story for myself either way and if others would find pleasure in it one day then this story will exist for you too, whoever you are out there.

My mindset has shifted greatly. I have mentioned this before in other writing updates over the summer but now it is really starting to take effect. I have stopped writing with the intention that I have to make the perfect book so I can be a writer and have my dream job and make enough money to survive alone on writing. Thinking like that only served to cause me stress and it pushed my perfectionism into overdrive. That wasn’t healthy for me.

Instead I have shifted into thinking I have to finish this story for me, and me alone. And that has made all the difference. It does not pain me to work on my story anymore, and I don’t have to force myself into working on it. I want to work on TLS, and I find joy when I do work on it. I started writing all those years ago because it made me happy, and it served as a creative outlet for me to put my imagination out there in the world and make it a little more bearable. The world can be a terrible place sometimes, as every human knows, but it can also be quite wonderful too.

Right now, the world is quite wonderful. πŸ™‚

As always till next time,

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(Currently still revising the first draft of TLS…..)

Writing is Hard | WIP Update | August 2022 | One Step At a Time

Previous Post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | July 2022 | Different Mindset

My life changed dramatically in 2022. So much so it has felt like a year already in my head, but it’s not even September.

August was a slow month for me but one of the very best. A lot of different GOOD things happened and bit by bit I feel like I am coming back to myself. No lie, 2022 really turned me and who I thought I was upside down. It forced me to rethink my entire life as it was and my entire future as I wished it to be. Even if it did shake me up, I learned a lot about life and myself. This August for the first time in a while I felt like a broken drummer finally getting their rhythm back. I turned 27, went on a trip up to Boston, thought and hustled really hard in the direction I want my future to head in, and I got back to my WIP.

I have two bulletin boards and two whiteboards up in my office space where I usually write. This month I started fresh, wiped things away and started picking up The Lowell Saga where I left it. One step at a time I can feel my love of writing returning, as well as that wonderful feeling that anything is possible.

I just have to remember to take it slowly, or I’ll fall back into my old thinking patterns and struggles which I talked a lot about last month. But for right now day by day, step by step.

I have made some major character shifts and plot changes this past month with The Lowell Saga, and with these differences the story feels more right to me. I am a very intuitive writer and rely on my gut to lead me a lot. I have faith that my heart and soul knows how to write this story, and that my mind will know how to edit it as I go along on this journey to hopefully one day publication.

I am still listening to writing podcasts and I have started combing through Susan Dennard’s old newsletters on writing, which if you haven’t read and you are a writer I highly recommend them! She gives great advice on her process and she is so relatable. She remains to this day one of favorite writers on the planet.

This past week I have also tried to force myself to sit down in front of my storyboards in my office and think. At first my old friend Fear was there but the more I sat, even if I was doing nothing but breathing and staring, the easier it got to be in the room. I wasn’t suffocated by my perfectionism, Fear started to fade into the background, and I felt the tingles in my fingers of why I wanted to write in the first place.

It is a beginning, and well… that is the best place to start.

Thank you all for listening,

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(Currently still revising the first draft of TLS…..)

Writing is Hard | WIP Update | July 2022 | Different Mindset

Previous Post: Writing is Hard | WIP Update | June 2022 |Β (*sigh*)

Today I finished reading The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. It was a great read, full of a lot of interesting studies on habits and how to change them. I highly recommend it but that is not the reason why I brought it up (or started my July writing update with this paragraph lol). In the book there was mention of a religious figure, and of course the book talked about how he used habits to build up a huge religious society, but there was also a little side note that caught my eye. In that story the religious figure suffered from anxiety and depression, and there was a time that he couldn’t handle doing his services anymore. So he went off the grid for a time. It was just a small part of his story but it struck me all the same.

For so long I have avoided writing (part was due to life circumstances that were out of my control) but the rest I realized stemmed from the overwhelming task of writing a book. Perfectionism is something I’ve struggled with throughout my life. I wanted my story to be perfect but nothing is perfect. Nothing. It is impossible. But I still wanted it anyway. So I put off writing on my story in the few moments in my hectic life I did have. Because the task I set myself was daunting. The perfect book. I became increasingly stressed out whenever faced with the task of working on The Lowell Saga.

The other part of my problem I realized only after I rewatched Kiki’s Delivery Service which I hadn’t seen in its entirety in years. If you know the movie you will know what I mean when I say that in my dream of wanting to be a full time writer I put so much pressure on myself that writing wasn’t fun anymore. I became anxious, sad and I lost the belief in myself that it would ever come true.

As I am writing this post though, again I feel so much better getting all my thoughts out in words. Writing is a part of me even though I am struggling to find my footing with it again. July was a bad month in terms of progress with my story. I am trying to fix that. But the first step is in fixing myself.

Like I said, I haven’t made much (if any) progress on The Lowell Saga.

But I have started to listen to writing podcasts, and I have started to read more articles on writing, and I have surfed YouTube to watch videos of other writers and their routines and I have decided to try to adopt a new way to think. I can’t look at my story as a life or death situation anymore. All the joy of why I started writing in the first place just gets sucked away and I end up sad. So, I am going to start thinking of it less as a job and more as a hobby. That subtle change in thought alone already makes me feel immeasurably better.

Maybe that way it can go back to being something I love and not something I have come to fear.

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(Currently still revising the first draft of TLS…..)